you prepare for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
For additional assistance, please
contact the Mitzvah Mentors, the
Rabbi,
Cantor Rockman, or the
Ritual Committee Chairperson.
| | |
|
This handbook is designed to help you prepare for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
For additional assistance, please | ||
|
| |
|
Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah (plural: B'nai Mitzvah) are religious terms meaning "subject to the 'commandments'". They refer to an individual who has attained adulthood. Don't get too excited. No one will let you vote for president just yet. It just means you have reached an age where you accept responsibility for conducting yourself according to G-d's commandments.
A Jewish boy automatically becomes Bar Mitzvah at age 13. Girls are technically considered Bat Mitzvah at 12. However, our synagogue is committed to an egalitarian philosophy, affording identical treatment for men and women in all religious rites. So, B'nai Mitzvah ceremonies for both boys and girls take place on, or shortly after, their thirteenth Hebrew birthdays. While no formal ceremony is necessary for a person to be considered Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is customary to mark this turning point in the life of a Jewish child with a religious ceremony. This provides the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with an opportunity to exercise their new rights as full members of the Jewish community by receiving their first Aliyah. It is customary for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to chant the Haftorah, present a D'var Torah and even have the opportunity to read a portion of the Torah . Some celebrants also opt to lead the congregation in prayers. |
|
No matter how many times you have attended Shabbat services and seen someone's Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you still may have questions about what exactly you need to learn, what you will do, and how you prepare for this. In the Appendix to this handbook is a checklist for your personal training schedule. The following is a generic list of things you are going to accomplish:
|
|
In Congregation B'nai Tikvah we recognize that each family unit is unique, with varied backgrounds, living situations and religious involvement. But every family that chooses to celebrate this rite of passage with their child can participate in and enjoy the training process together. Your child will appreciate it when you take an active interest in his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation. Inquire as to his or her progress and make an effort to listen to your child practice the Havtorah and/or Torah portion on a regular basis. Even if you do not know Hebrew, your attention will help build the child's confidence and convey the value you place on Jewish tradition.
Families of B'nai Mitzvah students are required to participate in group meetings and private family sessions with the Rabbi. The first group meeting for all upcoming B'nai Mitzvah families is held shortly after the child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah date is assigned. The second group meeting occurs several months prior to the ceremony. During these sessions, the meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah and its role in Jewish life are discussed and explained. During the second group meeting the ritual and procedures are reviewed and discussed. Following the second group meeting, families should arrange to meet privately with the Rabbi for a series of three Dvar Torah lessons. To familiarize participating families with the customs and ceremonies associated with Shabbat service in our synagogue, each family is expected to attend Saturday morning services at least twelve times during the six months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony. |
Eligibility for Bar/Bat Mitzvah
|
| The B'nai Mitzvah families are required to host the Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening and Kiddush following Shabbat morning services. This fee, in lieu of a separate donation as expected in some synagogues, helps support all Kiddush and Oneg programs, as well as the lessons by the Rabbi and the Cantor. See: synagogue funds. |
|
| B'nai Mitzvah families and their guests are expected to dress in a manner appropriate for synagogue services and to maintain decorum throughout the service. Strapless and/or backless dresses are considered inappropriate for services and should not be worn. Women wearing such inappropriate clothing to services will be asked by the usher to cover up with "house shawls", a limited number of which are kept on hand for this purpose. If the guest refuses to cover up the guest will be asked by the usher to leave the sanctuary. |
Sabbath Observance
Please help us maintain the dignity of the Sabbath by observing and informing your guests of the following rules.
|
| On Thursday mornings at 7:00am (8:00am in July and August) the congregation davens Shachrit. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family should participate in the minyan on the Thursday preceding their simcha. Fathers and post-Bar Mitzvah brothers are expected to wear Tallit and T'fillin at the minyan. |
|
Since a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a celebration of a child's transition into the Jewish community as a full participant, the Oneg Shabbat and Kiddush, which follow services, are an opportunity for the community to share in you simcha and to celebrate this important event in your family.
As the community welcomes the Bar/Bat Mitzvah so, too, the family invites the Congregation to share in its joy. B'nai Mitzvah families are expected to sponsor the Oneg Shabbat following Friday evening services (usually the evening prior to the ceremony) and a Saturday morning Kiddush for their guests and the congregation after the service, itself. Arrangements for a simple Oneg Shabbat or Kiddush (wine and cake, coffee, tea and juice) are made directly with the person who coordinates synagogue hospitality, at least one month prior to the event. The synagogue hospitality coordinator will contact the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family by letter six to eight weeks prior to their Shabbat. Families wishing a more elaborate Oneg Shabbat or Kiddush have two options: They can make arrangements with Classical Caterers or they may prepare the kiddush themselves utilizing the synagogue's dairy kitchen. All personally-prepared Kiddushes require the prior approval of the Rabbi as to matters of Kashrut and the times at which the kitchen is available for use and when cooking is permitted. |
|
The Torah is the sacred symbol of Jewish continuity, Jewish study, and Jewish observance. The reading and study of the Torah constitutes the central part of the Shabbat morning service. It is a great honor to be called to recite the blessings before and after the reading of a section of the Torah. The Hebrew word "aliyah" (pl. aliyot) means "going up", not only going up to the bimah , but rising above the mundane to the realm of the holy. Through the reading and study of the Torah we focus ourselves on the purpose and goal of creation, the sanctifying of life. It is the custom in our Congregation to give the first aliyah to a Kohen and the second aliyah to a Levi. When you are called to the Torah, the Torah Reader will indicate where in the Scroll the reading will begin. Using either the fringe of a tallit or the Torah binder, touch that place in the Scroll, kiss the fringe or the binder and then recite the first blessing. The Torah reader will indicate where in the Scroll the reading concluded. Once again, you will touch that place in the Scroll using either the fringe of a tallit or the Torah binder and then kiss it. Recite the second blessing. After completing the blessing move around the podium to your left. You may return to your seat when the next person completes their aliyah. Before and after a section of the Torah is read, the honoree recites the blessings in Hebrew. An English transliteration is available. All of the aliyot and honors that the celebrant's family may distribute are the following:
A list of the full Hebrew names (including father's name and mother's name) as well as their designation (Kohen, Levi, or Israelite) and of all those to whom the family wishes to bestow Aliyot and other honors during the service must be submitted to the Rabbi no less than two weeks prior to the ceremony. Anyone being offered an honor must be Jewish. Keep in mind that a person most appreciates an honor which they understand. Anyone called to the Torah during the service is required to be able to recite the blessings in Hebrew or to have practiced reading the English transliteration of them. As a matter of policy, all honors belong to the Synagogue. Whenever possible, an effort will be made to include additional family members and friends in the service after the needs of the congregation are satisfied. |
|
"Mitzvah Mentors" is a committee at B'nai Tikvah devoted to assisting future bnai mitzvah families sort out the details of planning and preparing for the simcha. Committee members, who have recently gone through this with their own children, will contact the bnai mitzvah parents and offer information, friendly advice, or whatever is needed to help make the experience as carefree and enjoyable as possible.
Committee chair: Cindy Gittleman |
| Personalized head coverings for men and women may be provided by the family, if desired. If this is done, they must be delivered to the synagogue before 1:00 P.M. on Friday; and they may not be removed from the synagogue until one hour after sundown on Saturday night. Head coverings may be placed in the synagogue's container in the lobby, or placed in a decorative container/basket provided by the celebrant. |
| A common practice, though not required, is for the celebrant to provide a 'program' to guests as they arrive for Shabbat services. Samples of such programs and examples of clip art that can be used to decorate them are found at this link. Please note: You are certainly welcome to personalize your program with a message to your guests and fellow congregants about the special meaning of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Of course, any definitions you provide for religious terminology should be approved for accuracy by the Rabbi or Cantor prior to distribution. Programs must be delivered before 1:00 PM on Friday; and they may not be removed from the synagogue until one hour after sundown on Saturday night. |
|
You are encouraged to beautify the Synagogue for the Sabbath with fresh flowers for the pulpit. Please inform your florist that the flowers must be delivered before 1:00 PM on Friday; and they may not be removed from the synagogue until one hour after sundown on Saturday night. Alternatively, some families prefer to decorate the Bima with baskets containing donations such as food items. Delivery procedure is the same as that for flowers. Remember, all food items in the baskets must be kosher. It is the responsibility of the celebrant family to remove the baskets promptly from the synagogue after Shabbat and deliver the baskets. Some organizations that accept food basket donations are:
|
| As the playing of musical instruments is not permitted on the Sabbath, Sabbath affairs may not include the entertainment of a band or a disc jockey. You may choose, however, to engage a singer who performs without instrumental accompaniment. For all Shabbat entertainment in the Synagogue, please confirm your plans with the Rabbi before entering into any contractual agreement. For Saturday evening parties, musical instruments and equipment may not be brought in until Shabbat has concluded. |
|
The "theme" of every Bar/Bat Mitzvah is responsibility. As a child matures, he/she is given an ever increasing responsibility for their actions. Within the Jewish tradition, the concept that "kol yisrael arayvin zeh lazeh" that "each of us is responsible for the other" is fundamental.
As the Bar/Bat Mitzvah approaches, both child and family have various avenues for expressing and assuming responsibility.
Mazon was created by members of the Jewish community in response to a tremendous need and inspired by Jewish values. Mazon is a Jewish response to hunger. It is a vehicle through which we can add public service to our private celebrations. In earlier days, when Jews held a simcha, the poor of the community shared in the celebration receiving both food and alms. Today, while we are intellectually aware of their needs, physically they remain invisible to us. Mazon suggests we voluntarily add three percent (though donations of any amount are welcome) to the cost of our celebrations - a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a wedding, a birthday or anniversary, any joyous occasion -- as an offering to help defeat the scourge of hunger here at home and throughout the world. Checks should be made payable to MAZON and sent to the synagogue office for forwarding to the organization. For more information, contact the Rabbi.
Shutafut means partnership. It is a subsidiary of Federation's Project Renewal. For those of you not familiar with this, a brief word of explanation. Project Renewal links communities in North America with specific communities in Israel, directing our funds to meet the special needs of our sister community. Shutafut does the same but on a younger age level. It asks that Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrants share of their gifts, with the monies going directly to provide needed items for youngsters in Israel. As Israel strives to meet the needs of the many Soviet and Ethiopian Jews arriving in our homeland, our contributions help in the resettlement effort.
This is a unique opportunity to perform the mitzvah of Tzedakah in a manner which our great teacher, Maimonides, described as "the highest degree". We encourage our young people, as they assume the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood, to act as builders of the Jewish State. By investing in a State of Israel Bond they show devotion to the ideals of Judaism, a partnership with our people Israel, and a connection to our land in its ceaseless effort for economic security and peace.
A special certificate enrolling the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a Youth Builder will be presented at your simcha.
Israel Bonds has also introduced a $100.00 Certificate, processable through the synagogue office, which are designed as B'nai Mitzvah gifts.
This is an opportunity for you and your child to get creative. Create a project that will help people in your community who are less fortunate. For ideas, refer to Danny Siegal's Mitzvah Book or Rabbi Kerry Olitzky and Rabbi Ronald Isaacs' Doing Mitzvot.
|
| Families are encouraged to travel to Israel for B'nai Mitzvah ceremony in place of or in addition to one held in the synagogue. A group of parents has recently formed to explore the various possibilities open to families considering the Israel option. Information on B'nai Mitzvah trips to Israel is available from the synagogue office. |
|
The invitation is the way you invite people your simcha and it should indicate the joy and specialness of the occasion. It is also an opportunity to express your creativity and personalize the simcha.
One nice way of doing this is by selecting a passage from either the Torah Reading or the Haftorah of that day for use in the invitation. Another possibility is to use a verse which is linked to the child's name. Please note: Invitations that invite guests to non-kosher establishments or parties that involve Sabbath violations will not be posted, for example on a kippa basket. Printed directions to Congregation B'nai Tikvah are available in the Synagogue Office. |
| For your convenience, Tallitot, T'ffillin, Bar/Bat Mitzvah albums, Kippot, and various other items can be ordered through the Sisterhood Judaica Shop. |
|
The Bar/Bat Mitzvah reception is a "Seudat Mitzvah" - "a mitzvah meal" - and as such, is a religious rite. Bar/Bat Mitzvah receptions should be kosher whether they take place at the synagogue, the home, or another establishment. A list of local kosher facilities is available from the synagogue office. To verify the Kashrut of any establishment, please contact the Rabbi. Families wishing to hold a reception in the synagogue's social hall, must utilize the services of Classical Caterers, the synagogue's resident caterer. Families should contact Classical Caterers immediately upon receiving the B'nai Mitzvah date, since B'nai Tikvah members enjoy an exclusive booking privilege with Classical Caterers for a period of sixty days following the B'nai Mitzvah Coordinator's submission of the confirmed date list to Classical Caterers. See the next section, below, for more details. After that time, the caterer is free to book the social hall for other parties, including those of non-members.
Motzi |
|
The synagogue and its staff do not make your catering arrangements,
nor do they change your catering arrangements in the event of a change of Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.
Dealing with Classical Caterers, as with
any other caterer outside our grounds, is solely the responsibility of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family. The contract between the synagogue and Classical Caterers gives our members certain rights when booking a party. They are listed here for your protection. If you have any questions, or feel that any have been violated, please contact the synagogue office immediately.
Your "limited" Kiddush may not include commercially prepared platters; nor may you engage the services of any catering company to prepare "home-made" type platters in the synagogue dairy kitchen. Members may, however, hire outside help to serve and clean up. For further information, please contact the synagogue office.
|
|
There are many excellent books and articles available regarding Bar/Bat Mitzvah. They can be of tremendous help to the entire family as it begins to think about and plan for the simcha. Here is a short list:
|
UPON RECEIVING YOUR DATE
AT LEAST ONE YEAR BEFORE
NINE MONTHS BEFORE
SIX MONTHS BEFORE
FOUR MONTHS BEFORE
THREE MONTHS BEFORE
ONE MONTH BEFORE
AT LEAST TWO WEEKS BEFORE
THE LAST WEEK
|
|